everywhere i try to get my feelings out there's fucking SOMEONE related to me on the site.

facebook? mom and dad and cuzins.

myspace? cuzins

FUCKING TWITTER??? dad

i have no where but here to write. and u know what? i'm sad! very fucking sad. everyone just wants to see me happy, like "awe. ok now get over it" what if i want to be sad for a while huh? what if i want to say i'm lonely. i hate the empty feeling i have inside. i miss having someone to talk to everyday. and i can't tell my mom why. she doesn't know anything. and i can't tell my dad cuz he'll just get pissed off aat me. and i can't tell my friends cuz they'll turn it into something about them..

and omg speaking of friends. on thanksgiving luis just like straight told me i'm stupid cuz i had sex with sergio. he's all "yeah you guys mess with me about being a virgin but look at the guys you've done it with. they've just hurt u and left" and i'm like WTF?? pour salt in my fucking wound then light it on fire why don't u?? UGH. i don't regret it...it just makes me feel like an idiot. and idk having luis point it out made it make me feel even more stupid. like even HE could see it. fuck.

yeah i'm cussing alot. i do that. it's who i am. and i haven't cussed in a long time. thank god i go to school now. i get out of my house.

everyone is just pissing me off right now. idk y. i don't care if i'm jumping subjects no one reads this anyway. except people in germany seem to read my chatboard....weird.

i wish my dad would let me talk to whoever i want to talk to. i'm gonna be fucking 19 already. i can choose who i can and can't talk to.

Ello  i'm in the big ol corpus christi. yeppers. been eating healthy and shizz like that. my body doesn't like pizza anymore  i loveded pizza man. WHY CAN"T I HAVE WHAT I LOVE??!! hahah my pizzzaaaa!!! lol

i'm falling in love with angry girl music again haha  YOU TREAT ME JUST LIKE ANOTHER STRANGER

paramore baby  serio they are awesome hehe i loves them.

idk why i started writing. hmmm nope it escapes me entirely. i might go sing at the church my mom goes to. just so i can sing, and she'll love it, ok idk i'm gonna go now lol i have to get some late night cereal

fuck i'm getting bad at spelling. i feel more stupid every day, like the other day my dad took me to get new clothes [[cuz i'm a fatass now and nothing fits...lol j/k there just full of holes]] and he asked me a math question to figure out how much some pants cost and i was like UHHHHHH....umMMmmmmMmhHHmmm??? IDK hahah i still got the pants but man i couldn't even do that. anywho...what was i gonna write about? lol i'm getting old ppl.

OH YEAH! this show i'm watching. Highschool confedential. it follows the lives of highschool girls through the 4 years and see how much they've changed and stuff and it just made me think of my highschool uh career hahah if i can remember what happened which year. so here we go trying to remember

FRESHMAN YR: ah fresh meat. that year on the first day i brought all my books (i was a freshman and you could tell!) haha and went into the wrong class...twice. haha the next day i remember i fell trying to get into my seat before the bell rang hahahah it was horrible and i wasn't even late [[stupid Carlos]] then that year i was in volleyball and i didn't have a 6th so i would just hang around with the football boys cuz my friend Pedro was on the team and my ex from the year b4 was on the team too and i still liked him [[he was my first bf after all]]  so we'd all hang out OMG i remember someone trying to get a larger plug into their ear ewww hahah i don't even remember who it was! it was just gross. then later in the year i got with angel. i hardly saw him outside of school though lol and me and his ex gf got in a fight lol man that was crazy. we were in track together and that's where i met luis and we clicked like RIGHT away he's as weird as me  soo anyway yeah angel cheated on me so we broke up. then i stopped talking to him for a while. i was ditching a lot when i actually got a 6th so yeah.

SOPHMORE YR: man um i hardly remember this year. prob cuz i got taken out of school b4 winter vacation. but i do remember being in almost all the classes with liezel cuz she convinced me to become part of the BA [[business academy]] yeah i loved that academy hahah it was so fun  maybe it was just the people lol um then b4 winter break my parents decided to pull me out of school cuz i was failing so many classes. so i was at home being "homeschooled" meaning taking care of my mom and brother and cleaning the house. then one day it was gonna be my friend allie's birthday and she was throwing a huge party and i had the house perfect and had been trying to get everything perfect and then i did one wrong thing and my parents said i couldn't go to the party. so well i got pissed off hahah so the day of the party i packed up my bag and walked to liezel's house without saying anything cuz i was gonna go to the party....i got caught at susanna's house cuz she needed to get ready. my dad called her house and her mom told him i was there. FUCK i was in trouble hahah so i told them i needed out of the house i needed to be a normal teenager i needed to go back to school. so i convinced them to let me go back my junior year.

JUNIOR YR: i went back to school  lol went back to my business academy and i went back already with luis lol yeah got with him over the summer. so yeah um i had to get into sophmore classes and junior classes to try to catch up. so yeah i was in a history class with flexen and i have no idea how we started talking lol but we did and i started to like him. and so did my friend tessa. she told me in my 6th period english b4 she left, so i felt bad for liking him. but i broke up with luis cuz we never did anything and he was getting a lot of shit from our friends cuz he never did anything so it was better for us to be friends. then i had been talking to flexen and he told me he didn't like tessa that he liked me, so we got together and then omg tessa was leaving so we went to her going away...carl's jr party...thingie lol so i found out there that she was pissed off at me and so was melissa and her friends that i didn't really know. so i was getting voicemails telling me how much of a bitch i was and fuck you this and that, so i called them back and told them to mind their own fucking business and if tessa had a problem tell her to grow some balls and tell me herself. so that stopped lol but i didn't talk to tessa anymore. and since she left i had no one to talk to in 6th, so i started branching out i guess lol and started talking to sergio and jeff. and i stole his glasses and we started texting and i started to like him. flexen was just interested in sex, i found out later. but he broke up with me 3 months after we got together because i wasn't ready for sex. so yeah i went crying to sergio and he helped me. lol we got together like a month after lol it was fast but i had liked him since like month one when i was with flexen hahah [[i felt so bad for liking someone else with a bf haha]] but anyway yeah so we were together for about a month when he met my mom. and my mom OMG my mom, she said she could feel something wrong with him and i was like....ok... and she goes your not gonna see him anymore. we fought so much that night we were SCREAMING at eachother and fuck she started slapping herself and shit, i called her crazy and omg she went off, then my dad came down the stairs and i said stop your wife! and he just got a diet coke and went back upstairs with my brother. so we were mad at eachother for a few days and she didn't let me go to school. and i remember one day he called and i tried to grab my phone out of her purse and she smacked my hand away from it. i was pissed off royaly. so finally they let me go to school and i went straight to him lol and told him i didn't care i was still gonna be with him. but that i was gonna leave to texas once that year was over. so yeah that happened.

SENIOR YR: haha over the summer my dad found out i was still talking to sergio and he made a deal with me that he would let us talk and see eachother if i let him meet him first and talk to him and make sure he was good. so he did and i got to see him whenever i went to visit. and in august i lost my virginity to sergio and i was so glad it wasn't flexen LMAO my dad knew and he made sure i was safe and blah blah blah so he was always over at my house. then school started and i had to go back to texas and we were texting and stuff. and he kept mentioning this one girl and i started getting worried but when i would go back it would go away. then my dad told me to back up, build a wall and i thought it was weird but some of the stuff sergio was saying made it easier to build a wall and he never noticed or tried to break it down so idk. then i got tired of it, and tried to confront him and he just said so do you want to break up and well, me being me lol i was like fuck you then yes haha but i was really sad about it. but i started talking to my friends a lot more and hanging out with my family. sappy shit like that lol but then later on in the year i went to my friend's little sister's quincenera and saw like all his friends there and i had already gone through my old messages and idk what went through my head but i sent him a message. so like the next day after seeing all his friends he responded. and i waited till a couple days later to start texting him again. and well yeah then my dad found out and said if i talk to him again he'll kill him so i stopped talking to him. then i went to prom with luis [[lol i know]] but it was a fun night. then yeah i've been real close to almost all my ex's except 2. gabriel, my first bf cuz his new gf told me to stop talking to him. fuck it haha so i did and i've never talked to him since. and of course sergio cuz if i do he'll be shot in the head. not really worth it in my book lol

wow i remember more then i thought lol and now this summer i've been partying and just having a good time and i just wasted so much time and it's great cuz i had nothing to do today lol so here's a pic of one of our drunken good times that just happened last weekend.

as liezel would say "EX SANDWHICH" hahah but we're all cool like that man my eyes are red, and you know what? i don't remember taking this pic  lol and tomorrow damn right we're gonna do it again. lol

k here's a  candy for you for reading so much lol

xXxOoOoX little keees big keees little kees big hug little hug big hug little hug big keeees hahah